Forever has a way of changing things..

We might as well document the journey.

10,369 notes

Except when you can’t sleep, and you lie awake wondering about all the things that could have been. When I was younger I was smart for my age, quick, had tons of useless recall. I’m great at jeopardy. But some where along the way I got discouraged, and lost. I thought I had a clear path of where my life was headed but I didn’t really have a place that I felt I shined. If I knew then all of the things I know now, what would I have done differently? I would have read more, even though I was reading all the time it wasnt building me or helping me grow. I wouldn’t have given any thought to what the kids I went to HS with thought. They were dumb kids and half of them aren’t going anywhere now. Well nether am I at the moment but I’m closer than a lot of them. I would have applied to every summer program I could get ahold of and tried harder to go more places and do more things. I would have said “pick me, choose me” it might not have lasted for ever but I’ll always wonder if it could have been the best thing about that place.. I wish all the time I could go back, but I can’t keep dwelling in the past. Im tired, I’m so used to getting bailed out and I need it this time too but I’m afraid of what that looks like. I just want to go and not be stuck in this place anymore. I’m so tired.

Except when you can’t sleep, and you lie awake wondering about all the things that could have been. When I was younger I was smart for my age, quick, had tons of useless recall. I’m great at jeopardy. But some where along the way I got discouraged, and lost. I thought I had a clear path of where my life was headed but I didn’t really have a place that I felt I shined. If I knew then all of the things I know now, what would I have done differently? I would have read more, even though I was reading all the time it wasnt building me or helping me grow. I wouldn’t have given any thought to what the kids I went to HS with thought. They were dumb kids and half of them aren’t going anywhere now. Well nether am I at the moment but I’m closer than a lot of them. I would have applied to every summer program I could get ahold of and tried harder to go more places and do more things. I would have said “pick me, choose me” it might not have lasted for ever but I’ll always wonder if it could have been the best thing about that place.. I wish all the time I could go back, but I can’t keep dwelling in the past. Im tired, I’m so used to getting bailed out and I need it this time too but I’m afraid of what that looks like. I just want to go and not be stuck in this place anymore. I’m so tired.

(via cru-ush)

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    Need some now
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    At least it sure as hell helps.
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    indeed
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