Except when you can’t sleep, and you lie awake wondering about all the things that could have been. When I was younger I was smart for my age, quick, had tons of useless recall. I’m great at jeopardy. But some where along the way I got discouraged, and lost. I thought I had a clear path of where my life was headed but I didn’t really have a place that I felt I shined. If I knew then all of the things I know now, what would I have done differently? I would have read more, even though I was reading all the time it wasnt building me or helping me grow. I wouldn’t have given any thought to what the kids I went to HS with thought. They were dumb kids and half of them aren’t going anywhere now. Well nether am I at the moment but I’m closer than a lot of them. I would have applied to every summer program I could get ahold of and tried harder to go more places and do more things. I would have said “pick me, choose me” it might not have lasted for ever but I’ll always wonder if it could have been the best thing about that place.. I wish all the time I could go back, but I can’t keep dwelling in the past. Im tired, I’m so used to getting bailed out and I need it this time too but I’m afraid of what that looks like. I just want to go and not be stuck in this place anymore. I’m so tired.